One final mad scramble and everything is ready.
The house is neat and tidy, the cake is the center of attention, and the party bags are full of treats.
Then you will start receiving text messages.
“Sorry,” they say.
“Eek! Double booking. Hope Jack has a nice day!”
“I didn’t hear from you”
For her son’s fourth birthday, Amy Sylvester decided to throw a family-only party. That means her older brother’s children are the only ones celebrating with 10 adults.
“I’ve done it before with friends and kids, but this time I thought I’d just do it with my family,” says Amy.
“For the children, we had fruit platters and cakes, and lunch platters with chicken, salads and sandwiches.”
On the morning of the party, her brother confirmed that he would come, but as time passed, the plans were postponed while they waited.
“I had an itinerary,” says Amy.
In the end, the cake was cut even though I had no friends to sing Happy Birthday to.
Amy says her son was very disappointed.
“It was terrifying,” she says.
“We had everything planned. The party bags and hats were still sitting there and he was just sitting there waiting for the kids to come play.”
A lot of planning, preparation, and funding goes into a child’s birthday party, but all too often last-minute cancellations, or worse, no shows, ruin the feeling of the celebration and leave the birth unattended. It can depress children for days.
Amy says that some of her friends are taking extreme measures to protect their children by not throwing parties at all.
“They decided not to organize anything to prevent that from happening,” says Amy.
“I think people have become selfish or unable to care.”
say no right away
Melanie Zimmer-Gembeck of Griffith University’s Department of Applied Psychology said last-minute cancellations could be due to social media, schedule overruns and changing social conditions due to COVID-19.
Parents of today’s young children may remember the paper invitations sent out for their parties.
“There’s a feeling that you can casually accept and cancel at the last minute, because people will get your message,” she says.
But this etiquette error hurts children.
It’s okay to say no to a party, but Professor Zimmer Genbeck says doing it at the last minute “can make you feel rejected.”
“It’s hard for the party host and the kids,” she says.
“People need to think carefully when they receive an invitation and turn it down if they don’t think they can attend.
“Declining quickly will lessen the harm later.
“One option is to decline the invitation when you receive it and say you want to attend, but cannot attend on the day.”
If you really have a valid reason to pull out at the last minute, Professor Zimmer Gembeck suggests calling.
“Calling and explaining that you can’t come is different than texting,” she says.
Prove the future of your party
For parents planning a child’s birthday party, Professor Zimmer-Gembeck says including subtle reminders in invitations about planning encourages attendees to think before checking attendance.
“It’s information sharing,” she says.
“Say something like, ‘Johnny expects everyone to come, so let me know if you can’t come.'”
But when all else fails and you’re faced with an excited birthday host waiting for your friends, there are gentle ways to tell them the news.
“Explain that your friend really wanted to come but your parents didn’t let you, or were sick,” says Professor Zimmer Genbeck.
“It’s important to stress that it’s not their problem, and that doesn’t mean their friends didn’t like them or want to come, they just couldn’t.”
Josie Sargent is a producer, freelance writer and editor for ABC Gold Coast.
ABC Everyday in your inbox
Receive the best ABC Everyday newsletter every week
