Carissa Caples turned to the internet when looking for answers to frequently asked questions.
A 25-year-old man from Columbus, Ohio wondered.
“Who was waiting for a planned pregnancy: How did you know you were in the right place to have a child?” she tweeted on Jan. 25.
Caples had a warning.
Don’t say “no one is completely ready”. As someone still struggling to make ends meet and spending days stuck in bed with depression, I want a goal post,” she wrote.
Caples told TODAY.com that the inspiration behind the post came from friends back home who announced their second and third babies.
“Financially and mentally I’m not ready for it at all. I feel like I’m doing something wrong,” she says. Sometimes I worry that my friends and I will feel left out because we are in different stages of life, and now I feel like it’s not the right time, but when is the right time I often ask myself how can I know if
Caples says her disclaimer was a key factor.
“I grew up the child of a Baptist minister. The most common family planning comment in the church is that no one is truly ready, you should ask for it and God will provide it.” “I agree that you can’t be completely prepared for something you haven’t experienced, but I think there are important preventative factors.”
Caples said that posting questions on the internet “tends to get a lot of feedback,” and this tweet was no exception. Over 200 users participated in the old question.
The reply from @sketchysermons was what Caples found most helpful.
“We waited until we had enough income to support us on a single income. Literally the day after our 10th anniversary we had our first child. Five or seven years before that,” said a user. writes.
One of her biggest fears is that she’s been married for three and a half years and she and her husband, Parker, don’t plan to have children any time soon.
“People seem to care less about having kids at 35 if they get married at 32 than if they get married at 21 and have kids at 35. That’s the main reason to worry about waiting to have, she says.
Other responses used ‘goalposts’ such as insurance, the psychological effects of pregnancy or infertility, and finances.
Elizabeth Downing-Wanzak said, “My husband and I waited until maternity insurance was included in our health insurance plan because the ACA passed to allow us to take advantage of it in the Tennessee unincorporated market. Because it wasn’t until it was done,” he wrote. She said, “The young couple’s time isn’t coming back either, so we wanted to go on an adventure on our own.”
“One thing that is rarely discussed when assessing pregnancy readiness is how we, as individuals and as a couple, deal when we don’t get pregnant,” replied Laura Yang. “Given that[infertility and miscarriage]occur in 1 in 7-8 couples, it’s worth building a psychological foundation.”
“Work with mobility options. I had at least two places on my travel to-do list. Consistent community where you can expect real support. More savings accounts,” Keonnie Janae replied.
Caples found most of the answers helpful, but the least helpful were those who had children her age and said they were glad they didn’t have to wait.
“These comments make me feel like I’m making the wrong decision,” she says.
Social media can be a great help in crowdsourcing information about pregnancy and parenting.
In February 2022, TikTok creator yuniquethoughts, better known as uni, went viral with a “list” of the 35 “pros” and 350 “disadvantages” of having children, now available in a downloadable file. It is
Fellow TikTok creators thanked us for being able to have a more candid conversation about women’s health, and have since called Uni “the girl with the list,” who has suffered from uterine prolapse and nipple biting by a breastfeeding child. I was inspired to share my pregnancy and parenting stories.
This article originally appeared on TODAY.com.